Keeping it Real

It's hard to believe I'm sitting here composing a blog post nearly 4 years after my last one. Maybe one of these days I'll give up the ghost for good, but for now I'm feeling the pull again to join in. With whom, I'm not sure. But it's an opportunity to organize my thoughts and that's enough for me.

Let's see, where to start. Well, new house, new school, new baby. It's been a busy couple of years. My days are spent making to-do lists that never get completed. I'm always working towards some goal or other, rarely just being in the moment. Over the summer, I find myself driving more than I ever have, from one activity to another. Always rushing, of course. Let's not even talk about what I do while I'm driving. Suffice it to say that I am the queen of multi-tasking. Recently, when I picked my son up from camp, I longed for an hour or two to just sit or walk in the woods. It felt so peaceful and slow in there. Next week we go away for a week to family camp. Hopefully, when I'm not following my wobbly 20-month around to make sure he doesn't kill himself, I'll find a moment or two of peace.

Next up, expectations. They're a bitch, aren't they? I expected my 9-year old would have best buddies, ride a bike, read for pleasure like I did as a child, ask lots of precocious questions I wouldn't always be comfortable answering, grow up and away in a good way. Well, he is funny (often too much) and kids like him, but he has trouble with real social engagement. He still can't ride a bike, but at least he rides his Razor scooter now, instead of the 3-wheeled one he clung to forever. He loves books, but even though he is finally learning to read, it's more work than play, so he'd rather play Nintendo or Wii. He's never asked many learning questions, and when he does ask a question, it's often one he's asked before. He is growing up, learning and maturing, at his own rate, but while some things have gotten easier for him, others have gotten harder. I think he's more aware of his differences now, and this creates more anxiety. Is it all doom and gloom? No. But is it what I'd expected it to be, either? No.

Second chances. What are the odds that you'll get one? In my case, not good. Second child, same situation. More pronounced, in fact. Whereas I spent the first five years with my first child in blissful ignorance (oh, he's just shy), with my second it only took a little over a year to realize that he was different. Sweet, loving, sociable, totally adorable. But different. The silver lining is that he is getting help sooner, rather than later. Let's hope this neuroplasticity thing is for real.

How to make peace with the unexpected? I'm not sure yet, but I'm working on it.

Serpentine!



On a final, tasty note, I start nearly every day with a cup of PG Tips tea and a well-buttered english muffin, often spread with the best jam in the world. I've never made my own english muffins - Trader Joe's are pretty darn good - but were I to, I'd start with this recipe from pinchmysalt. Just looking at them makes me drool.

Advent of a Jew

Hello. My name is Inga and I am a Jew. Or, one of "those Jews who, while not practicing Judaism as a religion, still identify themselves as Jewish by virtue of their family's Jewish descent and their own cultural and historical identification with the Jewish people." Suffice it to say that, sadly, I have a limited knowledge of my people's religious traditions, and, instead, grew up celebrating - in a purely secular fashion! - the multitude of Christian holidays. My mom grew up in a secular Jewish, socialist home, wistfully observing her gentile friends' yuletide festivities. Her family didn't even celebrate the Jewish holidays. So, we got the Christmas tree, instead of the menorah. Here's last year's:



I would love to celebrate all of the holidays, and to embrace both aspects of my heritage, but, not having grown up with the traditions, I find it difficult incorporating this into our lives. It is so much easier to follow the path that has been lain down than to forge a new trail. Two years ago I did hold a Passover seder and it was extremely intricate and time-consuming to execute. I enjoyed it, but swore I would never do it again! Perhaps not the best celebration to start with. . .

Our token tributes to our maternal ancestors were the Hanukkah gelt in our Christmas stockings (oy vey!) and the gold Stars of David we hung on our tree. Those lovely stars - painted yellow, with our names written on them - were my favorite ornaments, but fell apart many years ago. This year I made new Stars of David for our Christmas tree, so my son can enjoy this same tradition. And we're lighting the menorah! I'd love to incorporate more traditions, but for now, at least, I have these silvered beauties:



On my paternal side, my Swedish heritage is dominant. My son has the traditional, Scandinavian chocolate advent calendar that I had when I was little - lovely picture of Santa bringing joy to all and delicious chocolate shapes hidden behind numbered windows. I have a nostalgic fondness for these calendars and he seems to share my liking, as the first thing he says upon waking is "can I have my chocolate?" Still, last year I saw all these wonderful crafty advent calendars, and swore I was going to make one this year. No such luck. I am not known for planning ahead and I am always over-ambitious!

So, I've been sitting around, looking at this year's crop of crafty cuteness and bemoaning my shortcomings, when, lo and behold, I stumbled across Bella Dia's wonderful idea of a book/activity advent calendar. We're a few days late in starting, but no matter. I can get the books from the library and just start with whichever book/activity strikes our fancy. It's a wonderful idea - and Day One is all-inclusive!

Day 5 of Advent, Day 1 of Hanukkah:



Or, check out wish jar's list of ten things to do instead of shopping for more inspiration on how to spend whatever free time you have during the holidays.

Not quite sure where gingerbread houses fall in the Christian-Jewish spectrum, but we think they're fabulous! Especially, when you can buy a real Swedish house for only $4.99 (NOT the $8.50 noted in the link) and use up all the candy that's been sitting around since LAST Halloween. . .

Fortunate. . .

in so many ways.

If I'm being honest, my default approach to life is to see the glass half empty. Today's challenge is a simple exercise in appreciating that which makes my life full. Although there is much more to strive for, having the following is a great blessing:

Family - living and nearby
Friends - few, but intimate
Health - excellent
Hearth - warm and dry
Sustenance - available in abundance, both nutritious and delicious
Time - for crafting and being
Freedom - of religion, choice, speech and lifestyle, to name a few!

In thinking about what I have to be thankful for, I've also come to the following realization - that, if you don't raise these blessings up for recognition and appreciation, they don't exist. That isn't to say that they don't apply to one's life, but the benefit is not felt.

The following quote says it best. I would like the balance of my days to be a feast, not a famine. . .

"It is literally true, as the thankless say, that they have nothing to be thankful for. He who sits by the fire, thankless for the fire, is just as if he had no fire. Nothing is possessed save in appreciation, of which thankfulness is the indispensable ingredient. But a thankful heart hath a continual feast."

W. J. Cameron, The Ford Sunday Evening Hour Talks, 1930’s

Grateful. . .

first and foremost, for my son. For his continuing laughter, smiles, and affection. I hope that two years from now, I will still be the grateful recipient of his unrestrained love.

two years ago



today

A Happy Place

For all you gnome enthusiasts out there, go on get happy! And if that's not enough to satisfy, here's more than you ever wanted to know about gnomes. According to a review of Gnomeland, "gnomes are 'so out there', they're 'in' again." I wouldn't go this far, but a soft, huggable gnome is welcome in my garden anytime!







Thanks again to Hillary for letting me test-ride her newly available, just-in-time-for-the-holidays, how-can-you-pass-it-up gnome pattern!

And, if you've been feeling the gnome vibrations, but are lacking a garden, this is just what you need.

Don't say I don't gnome how to have a good time. . .

What To Do With Felt

I've got a lot of felt. Not so much that I won't buy more (the nice, wool felt, that is) when I happily and unexpectedly come across it, as I did this weekend! But enough that it will be sitting around for a few years unless I think of more ways to use it than the occasional softie.

Enter this lovely felt garland by Anna Maria Horner. I NEED to do this. Now if only I could figure out how to stretch a 24 day into at least 28 hours! I think I need a wardrobe to craft in, so that time will stand still.

Off the crafting tip, please examine this picture of moi. Not supermodel status, but not exactly chopped liver, wouldn't you agree? Sadly, according to My Heritage celebrity look-alike, my "strong" (my quotes) features have me parsed as a boy. Mouseover picture to see my celebrity counterparts. I suppose I should be greatful that Cary Grant appears here, although I would have preferred Grace Kelly. : )



The second go-around cracked me up!



(psst... mouseover!)

Go on, try it! You know you want to...

Good Intentions

Okay, so I've wrapped up my swaps (pictures coming soon!), refrained from joining any new ones, and I'm all set to start holiday crafting for my loved ones, when I find my good intentions blindsided by an innocent visit over at Hillary's place.

Did you really expect me to pass up the opportunity to test-drive one of her fabulous patterns? Now I've got to ask myself one question: "Who can I make a gnome for? Well, who?”

Laundry List

Just to keep myself on my toes and accountable, I thought I'd make note of the holiday projects that are in progress or waiting in the wings. Lest I get selective amnesia. . . Of course, in case anyone comes sniffing around, I won't mention whom the recipients are!

More of these paint chip wallets that I find so addicting:





Nested magazine bowls (I'm so excited to try this, and I'll finally get to work with Modge Podge! Hope it isn't a disaster. . .)

A pouch or two:





Fingerless handwarmers, either knit or sewn from fleece. I'd intended to sew them, until I started this post and came across these fabulous patterns! And what a great opportunity to knit from stash. If I can resist heading to the yarn store for just the right color, that is. . . ; )

And a couple of CD jewel case calendars from my flickr pics (if you think they're for you, they probably are, so don't ask any questions!)

All this crafting would make for a satisfying, straight-from-the-hands-and-heart, without hurting the pocketbook, kind of giving if only I didn't drop $60-$100 every time I walk into Michael's. Damn Martha and all her good things.

Running With Scissors

Starting off slowly on my reentry to blogland, with an update and some pictures. . .

I had a minor epiphany today, and I am now TOTALLY inspired to approach the holidays with all the craftiness I can muster! My goal is to make this as much of a Handmade Holiday as possible. Of course, there will still be some store-bought goodies, but if I can minimize the commercial aspect of the season and highlight the joy of creating, I will be very pleased. I have a few swaps that I'm working on, but once they're wrapped up my creative energy will need to be directed towards the handmade gifts I've got planned for my immediate friends and family. I'm not deluding myself that this is going to be an easy task, but I think it's manageable if I start now. : ) This is my early New Year's resolution. . .

Never a post without a little eye candy - here's my little bat, in a costume I made from an umbrella! I'm pleased with my execution, but can't take credit for the idea. Instructions courtesy of Lenore.

Swap Guilt Redux

Caution: Self-pity lurking ahead.

We - myself and the boys - signed up for our first kid-oriented swap: Mollycoddle's miniswap. As a self-appointed crafty mama, I was excited to participate in a swap with my son, thinking it would be fun to put together a package for another family, including, naturally, lovingly handmade goodies from us! Well, I didn't live up to my own expectations and instead of making things we sent some (cute and fun) bought and gently used items (per the guidelines). In return we received some wonderful handmade items from the Cardillos. The boys were so excited to open their package, but I waited anxiously to see what they received. Fortunately for them, they were thrilled, but as soon as everything was unveiled I was overwhelmed with swap guilt. I posted previously about swap stress, but this was OVERWHELMING, full-on, perfectionist-driven guilt!

Look at all the wonderful handmade things that were sent our way!











Missing from the pictures are the other thoughtful and wonderful items included: Batman and Superman action figures, a wonderful story/song from Massimo, a pirate map showing where they live and tea for me!

What we sent (click on picture for notes):



The dilemna facing me now is do I re-swap? Has anyone done this? I'm sure that Eleonor and Massimo probably liked what we sent, but I feel like I failed at this swap and I want a DO OVER! So, I'm thinking of putting together a new package, small, but personal, since I am, after all, a neurotic, but sometimes lazy, perfectionist! Keep in mind, it's not about comparing or competing, but rather about following through on what you intended to do. Personal expectations and all. . .

Any thoughts? You can weigh in anonymously if you want!

Garden Lupinus

I'm a super speedy knitter most of the time, except when confronted with decisions or transitions, whereupon my knitting usually ends up languishing in some corner for an irresponsible length of time. So, naturally, I wasn't very surprised when it came time to remove the sleeves onto waste yarn and Wicked went on hiatus. It's not that I don't know how to remove the sleeves (a pretty straight forward procedure!), but I start agonizing over whether I've knit enough or too much, and I find myself paralyzed, unable to move forward. The simple thing, as advised by the Zephyr girls, would be to remove the sleeves, try sweater on, and procede from a point of knowledge rather than speculation. Well, this has finally been done! And I'm getting back up to speed. . . Here's my progress thus far:







And some earlier pictures since I've been so lazy about blogging:








With any luck I'll be wearing this soon! Hopefully before the rainy season ends. . .

Edited to add:

Information on my fabulous dress form!

I'm Still Standing

I guess I really do date myself when I feel compelled to head my posts with song titles of my youth. I may have a select group of contemporary artists that I know and even like more, but I certainly can't identify today's artists or songs with any regularity! And really, when did I last have the time to lie around listening to the radio all day waiting for my favorite song requests to be played? Ah, those sweet angst-filled early teen years. . . It amazes me that almost 25 years later thinking about these songs brings back powerful physical memories. I don't just remember, but feel with a visceral quality, the emotions that I felt then, usually in relation to some boy or other. Some songs still do it for me, but more likely than not the feeling of longing evoked is tinged with regret, not hope.

Please parse the above lightly. I did not intend my return to blogging as a downer, but nostalgia is never far when I am near. Really what I was intending when I started this post was a reference to the fact that the holidays are over and, despite a long absence, I am STILL STANDING. I baked, crafted, shopped, wrapped, visited, recovered, and welcomed in the new year. I don't put much stock in resolutions, as I am ever skeptical of my ability to see any to fruition, however I do have some intentions:

To live in the moment more. My son will turn five in May and I anxiously dread the ebbing of the easy love we swim in now. In fact I've pretty much dreaded this from the day he was born, anticipating the sullen responses, averted eyes and general rejection that parents often suffer at the hands of their callous young. So, for now, I will smother him in kisses and demand my share in return! Hopefully, the banked love will make the desert crossing easier.



Conversely, to create my future. I hesitate to put those words down as I don't have any strategy waiting in the wings to move the action forward. But a change is gonna come.

Where are you goin' my little one, little one?
Where are you goin' my baby my own?
Turn around and you're two
Turn around and you're four
Turn around and you're a young [boy]
Going out of the door

Turn Around by Nanci Griffiths

(Lyrics by Malvina Reynolds, Harry Belafonte & Allen Greene)

The Way We Were

So sue me. . .

Apparently my only rule was meant to be broken EARLY in the game. This photo is not of my own hand. In my defence, red seems to be a theme of my childhood and nostalgia a theme of my adulthood. Vintage red, therefore, seemed to be an appropriate choice for Self Portrait Challenge. The only problem was that I couldn't decide which photo to use. They all encapsulate the longing I feel for my past. So, to satisfy myself, I've provided something special for you. Click on the photo and you'll see. . .



That's me on the right - reading everywhere I went! Now reading has to compete with so much else - knitting, sewing, being a mama, working, etc. Little sis is on the left. . . And she wants me to make it clear that she did NOT grow up to be an axe murderer, she just plays one in our family pictures!

I definitely have a tendency to view the past through rose-colored glasses. Everything was better BACK THEN. Now, as I get older, I spend more time reflecting on the "back then" that was my childhood, but when I was a teenager I had this same backward longing for the decades that belonged to my parents' youth. Even then, when I would find old photos of my parents I had the sense that if I could just go back in time, life would be better, simpler, more right. It seems I've always felt "out of place," as if I'd fit in better somewhere between the 30s and the 70s, depending on my mood. The truth is my desire for the past, despite any real allure it may hold, probably has more to do with my inability to be content in my present.

Which may be why I'm so drawn to these photos of myself at this pre-teen age. I'm still fully entrenched in my present and I seem utterly content. Rose-colored glasses or not, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

And, because I'm feeling very weepy and nostalgic, here are some gratuitous shots of me and mine. Click on any one if you want to see more of the same!

From The Crafting Corner

Sorry for the long absence! I've been very busy trimming, crafting and going about the daily business of life and I haven't had any energy left for blogging. The good news is I have something to show for my time off.

Meet my flopsy bunnies, Beatrice, Bettina and Babette:



Beatrice stays with me, and Bettina and Babette will each be gifted to a sweet, little girl! I loved designing these three, each with her own definite style, but I'm very excited to be moving on to something a little more, shall we say, mechanical?

Mouseover the picture below to see what stocking stuffers are in store for the boys!



I've cut out all the pieces for two robots, and, since taking this picture, I've also pieced out one super-duper spaceboy! Tonight I will start sewing and hopefully by Friday I'll have some FO's to show off. . . Hillary certainly keeps me busy!

Also, a little somethin' somethin' from almost next to nothin'. From a $3 bag of buttons and a dollar store glue gun (!) I made these magnets. This is definitely addictive. I can't wait to collect some more large buttons. . .



Last, let me not forget to send a big thank you to Mary Ann for the lovely garland she made me for Storme's Handmade Holiday Swap! It hangs in the doorway between our living room and kitchen and is a stunning reminder of what I blogged recently about lacking. An excellent reminder of what I should be striving for. . .



And a peek at what I sent Mary Ann:



If you want to see more photos, just click on the stocking! Below is a picture of other stockings I've made over the years. This is my longest standing craft hobby and it both comes easy and continues to be a challenge!

Self Portrait Challenge

I've often thought of myself as attractive. Not pretty in any conventional way, my features are too strong, nor beautiful, I have my share of imperfections, but attractive. As in dynamic, appealing, sometimes sexy. Over the past few years, however, this has shifted. I am now more likely to think of myself as used up. A dried out husk of my former self. Yes, this sounds harsh, but much of the time it reflects how I feel. And, in trying to capture my first self portrait for submission to Self Portrait Challenge, this feeling has been reinforced.

I haven't been the subject of many photographs lately, tending to avoid the camera. The self-portraits I took recently show someone with a strong furrow on her brow (from all the frowning that I do!), tired eyes, dull-looking skin (from lack of exercise and attention to my health), and nary a smile to be found. Who sees the irony in the broach pinned to my lovely red coat? There's not a lot of joy to be found around these parts. Maybe participating in SPC will be not only a journey of self-discovery, but a vehicle for change.

Let me clarify something so this post doesn't come across all sob story. I have moments when I'm happy, times when I'm inspired and engaged, but rarely am I filled with joy. To be here, now. This is my truth. I hope it will not always be so, but when I see these photographs of myself, I fear for my health. Psychic, not physical.

What I find interesting about self-perception and photography, as it relates to this, is the dichotomy between how we see ourselves in our mind's eye and how we look through a more objective view finder. The camera can capture either one of these images, depending on circumstances and luck. I tend to look at myself subjectively in ways that flatter, from the tilt of my head as I perform my morning and bedtime rituals in front of the bathroom mirror, to the adjustments I make when I catch sight of myself unexpectedly in a store-front window. Many times, though, the camera does not cooperate and captures a more "objective" view.

The self-portrait that I've posted is a mixed bag. I don't look as good as I'd like to look, but I think it is an accurate representation. From the photographs at my disposal, I chose the one that most captures how I see myself in my mind's eye, without sacrificing all of the honesty of what I see when I catch myself unaware. There is a bit of vanity involved in my selection, but didn't someone say that honesty is overrated? Allow me to mitigate my discomfort.

Oh, and I've self-imposed one rule. These photographs must be taken by me. For the time being. As they say, rules are meant to be broken, so don't hold me to it. For now, I like the idea of having this constraint. In the future, I may decide that other-portraits are more reflective of me than the ones I take myself. We'll see.

Before you go, check out my inspiration for self-portraiture. He is enthusiastic, creative, experimental and uninhibited. And he takes a damned interesting picture.

Cold Turkey

And I'm not talking left-overs.

Beginning tomorrow, morning cartoons are a once-was. For a little while, that is. Four days, specifically. Any longer and I might lose it. I'll admit it, I like my hour in the morning to fiddle around while my son sprawls in front of the TV, no interaction or guidance expected on my part. Actually, he is very actively involved in the shows that he watches, participating in the call and response, raising his arms up to the sky, ENGAGED.

Unfortunately, SIGH, he has been experiencing progressively more extreme withdrawal when it is time to turn said electronic device off. As in outright refusal, sobbing, thrashing around on the floor, etc. This makes it quite difficult to complete the few remaining tasks that are necessary before we can leave the house, like brushing teeth and putting on shoes.

I reached my elastic limit this morning (remember, I don't really want to impose this consequence!) when he was a horrid little brat (oops, did I really type that?) after I turned off the TV. Despite the fact that we were going on a really exciting field trip with his preschool to see the Golden Dragon Acrobats, which he had been eagerly anticipating prior to the cartoon fiasco. Just like an addict, however, he wanted more, more, more of the drug that was currently coursing through his system!

Instead of cooperating (ha!) so we could leave in a timely fashion, he spent ten minutes choking on his own mucus as he sobbed away like the junkie he is. Then, when we got in the car and he still hadn't stopped crying, mommy dearest (see how I try to distance myself from my evil other through third-person narrative?) proceeded to scream at him for 5 minutes to "just shut up!"

So. Tomorrow, no TV. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday. I'm not looking to ban TV watching, just to take a step back into a more balanced space, from which we can evaluate "how much" and "when." (Tuesday morning update: my plan went surprisingly well. No whining, no tears, no endless protestations. I may be on to something here. Go figure.)

Wish me luck.

And when [he] was good
[He] was very, very good,
But when [he] was bad [he] was horrid.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Mwahaha!

Spent a lovely weekend thrifting, crafting and baking. I went to what was a "potentially" fabulous estate sale on Saturday and managed to find some fabric scraps, two vintage pillowcases which I will be using to make the apron pattern in The Crafters Companion, and a few Christmas presents which I dare not share as there are curious eyes all around. . . Still, I was lucky to find any of these items as there were pretty slim pickin's at 10:00 (gasp) am!! Why was I not waiting out front at 8 am, with all the other eager and in-the-know thrifters, cash burning a hole in my pocket? I'm just too damn lazy in the morning.

This was the estate of an elderly woman who (apparently) loved to sew, decorate for Christmas, and keep everything she ever purchased from the 50's on! I don't even want to know what I missed out on. . . When I got there, I saw a woman walking around with two wonderful aprons and I nearly knocked her over for her finds! ; ) Did I learn anything from this experience? Next weekend, I will be making my list of sales on Friday evening and out the door at dawn's early light on Saturday. So there. No more lazy Saturday mornings in this house.

Oh, and that lovely stainless steel bowl? Found at Urban Ore, $1.00. MY bowl, mine, mine, mine. . . ALL mine. Despite the fact that my sister tried her best to scoop it out from under me. She even thought that if she paid for it, she'd have squatter's rights. Can you believe it? I guess I owe her a buck.

What I worked on:

Wee wonderful bunny for a friend's daughter (update: she now has eyes, shoes and dress trim!) Still to come, two more bunnies (one for a niece and one for ME!)

And, for a housewarming on Saturday I baked this apple pie. Please excuse my pride when I say how happy I was with how beautifully it turned out! This was before a 4-year old (accidentally, yeah) pushed his hand into the middle as we were on our way out the door. . .

Please note my "new" (read: vintage) pastry cutter that I bought to replace my ugly black plastic-handled one. I LOVE using these!

"Monday, monday, can't trust that day
Monday, monday, sometimes it just turns out that way. . ."