Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'm Still Standing

I guess I really do date myself when I feel compelled to head my posts with song titles of my youth. I may have a select group of contemporary artists that I know and even like more, but I certainly can't identify today's artists or songs with any regularity! And really, when did I last have the time to lie around listening to the radio all day waiting for my favorite song requests to be played? Ah, those sweet angst-filled early teen years. . . It amazes me that almost 25 years later thinking about these songs brings back powerful physical memories. I don't just remember, but feel with a visceral quality, the emotions that I felt then, usually in relation to some boy or other. Some songs still do it for me, but more likely than not the feeling of longing evoked is tinged with regret, not hope.

Please parse the above lightly. I did not intend my return to blogging as a downer, but nostalgia is never far when I am near. Really what I was intending when I started this post was a reference to the fact that the holidays are over and, despite a long absence, I am STILL STANDING. I baked, crafted, shopped, wrapped, visited, recovered, and welcomed in the new year. I don't put much stock in resolutions, as I am ever skeptical of my ability to see any to fruition, however I do have some intentions:

To live in the moment more. My son will turn five in May and I anxiously dread the ebbing of the easy love we swim in now. In fact I've pretty much dreaded this from the day he was born, anticipating the sullen responses, averted eyes and general rejection that parents often suffer at the hands of their callous young. So, for now, I will smother him in kisses and demand my share in return! Hopefully, the banked love will make the desert crossing easier.

Conversely, to create my future. I hesitate to put those words down as I don't have any strategy waiting in the wings to move the action forward. But a change is gonna come.

Where are you goin' my little one, little one?
Where are you goin' my baby my own?
Turn around and you're two
Turn around and you're four
Turn around and you're a young [boy]
Going out of the door

Turn Around by Nanci Griffiths

(Lyrics by Malvina Reynolds, Harry Belafonte & Allen Greene)